“if it were up to me I would live where you live in a small dark corner of your soul mornings I would water the roses and the poppies, and even the wild flowers that grow on the banks of your rememberings”— Silvia Antonia Brandon Pérez
i know we act like it’s a light joke but when a man says hi to you it really do be a lie right there from the jump
“…I will do what she has done, I will love what she has loved, then I will find her again.”— Djuna Barnes, from Selected Works; “Nightwood”
we’re gonna have to start eatin hard cheese and cured salted meats again to try to dodge badly inspected food like just go ahead and give me a set of leather armor and send me on a quest if you’re so set on returning us to darker times
How Do I Love Myself?
In order to love yourself, you must first let go of your self image. Because that is not you, rather it is an idea of you. Loving it or hating it really doesn’t do anything cause it’s a thought. But you think it does cause you believe it’s you. That’s why it’s an illusion.
So, you have a few things to do. Firstly, come to see yourself as you are rather than as you imagine yourself to be. This is done with a combination of mindful self observation, patience, and forgiveness. You are wearing a protective mask that obscures your vision of yourself. By intentionally paying attention to yourself without judging what you see, you start to essentially bring clarity to your self-seeing. Whenever you judge yourself or others, interrupt the process and be forgiving and compassionate. Meditation helps with this process because you practice directing awareness where you want it to go, which is useful for interrupting patterns of behavior.
Next, See that you are deserving of love and compassion. If something (ego) tells you otherwise, examine it without immediately agreeing with it. Have a good look at it’s source. Likely it will be based on fear. Anytime fear is the cause of an action, thought, or belief, it is important to remember that fear distorts the truth. It is unreliable as a compass for navigating this. With that in mind, remember to never move just because fear tells you to do so. Fear alone is no longer enough. If it is wise, if it is compassionate, then go for it.
And finally: having patience with yourself, being gentle with yourself, helping yourself grow by dropping off attachments and behavioral patterns, this is how you will love yourself
Namaste
If an old toxic pattern shows up today, do not engage. Implement stronger boundaries and honor yourself. Start this year off with putting your emotional and spiritual needs first.
